5/1997 iCE Pack
2. In the "who's new" department, sometimes referred to as the "suckers of the month club", we are happy to report that three new members were welcomed into the group. Sucked in by the Frozen Eureka were Farmicus in the UNIX team, and Wired in the ANSI/members team. Also dragged in half-dead by the cat (Scooter) was Beastie, to the ANSI team. Nobody managed to escape this month, either.
3. Information Systems director Lickbert never bothered learning to use a real writing implement, so he's been moved to 'progressive discipline.' He was taken there by Jae, who will be administering the torture. However, Farmicus and Force Ten report that many new UNIX tricks will be put in place this month. They're all a secret, and neither are willing to tell.
4. Tempus resurfaced to socialize with the wing-nuts this month, but he was promptly beaten and mugged by Kabal 13. When told that Tempus was one of iCE's "oldschool" legends, Kabal merely shrugged and said that the bastard was part of the SSH conspiracy.
5. In the "iCE criminal of the month" department, Friar Tuck's ugly mug has
been pinned up to the ice.org post office wall. Tuck, whose car was demolished
recently by a slightly crazed woman (Syntax would like to add that this is a
redundant definition), purchased a brand new '97 black-on-black-on-black VW
Jetta, and promptly received two tickets in his first day of driving it. The
first was a routine speeding ticket, worth 4 points and quite a few bucks, and
the second was for attempting to bribe the summons-issuing officer with a
donut. "It was my last Cruller," said Friar Tuck, "you'd
6. iCE would like to congratulate all of the members who graduated college
this past May. We would also like to congratulate Syntax Error and Vesalius
for hitting their 'final stretch' in their medical schooling, and want to
wish them luck on their way to writing the rest of us prescriptions for Prozac
and Lithium.
7. Rumours were circulating the Cannes film festival in France saying that the
new sexy actor of the year would be -- iCE's very own Magnetic M! Starring in
such new movies as "The Teddy Bear Murders" and "Revenge of the Slurp", Maggie
was the hit of the festival. Several well-endowed (Syntax would like to once
again point out that he's available for plastic surgery consultation) women
were seen hanging all over M. Magnetic M refuses to confirm or deny the rumors
but instead offers the following statement ":)~~~" whatever that means.
8. THIS JUST IN: A protest was staged by Kitiara, Anarchy, and Sprite due to
the misogynistic and degrading representations of women attributed to Syntax
in this NFO file. New iCE guy Wired also tried to join in, but we just think
he was trying to get some action.
9. Another month of penguin beating and tribal chants mixed into a graphic
display of 90's mentality. Another wonderful pack. You just can't understand
what it's like to be iCE, unless you are. See you next month!
